Warning : This post is going to be in Hindi (and I’ll translate it for the benefit of all).
The Background : In my company, there are multiple trackers that we use extensively, to track progress on deadlines, update of recruitment numbers etcetera. Off late, my colleague and self have been creating a number of trackers for certain projects that we have rolled-out, much to the peedha (pain) of my counterparts in HR. The West Team decided (in all humour) to put their peedha in words today…
Reproduced below is the poem they sent to us (South Team) :
Jab se Dewdrop ka Induction (in HR) hua hai,
Pre-inductees ka FORCED business interaction shuru hua hai.
(From the time DewDrop has joined HR, new recruits have been forced to have interactions with Businesses)
Pehle jab kabhi hote the Open house;
Aur Business se HR milta tha jaise someone meeting an ex-spouse,
(Previously, during Open Houses, HR used to meet Business akin to meeting an ex-spouse)
Par ab aalam aisa hai –
Ki HR aur Business ka milna – arranged match se peedith, maa-baap se forced;
Kisi ladki/ladke kii potential se lagaatar meeting jaisa hai.
(But now, the situation is such that HR meets business akin to those girls / guys who are pained by arranged marriages and are forced by parents to meet their potential life-partners)
Jaise shaadiyon ka season saal bhar aata jaata hai,
Thanks to apni Dewdrop, – waise hi panchang jaise ab interaction calendar with THICK PPTs aata hai.
(Marriage season comes throughout the year; similarly, Dewdrop sends us interaction calendars and thick PPTs)
Har baar hum wonder karte hain,
Par naa chaahate hue bhi interaction tracker dekar surrender karte hain.
Par ek khayaal phir bhi dil mein har baar aata hai,
Itni globe maarne ki kshamata aur ppt banaane ka patience bhagwaan Dewdrop ko kahan se deta hai.
(We wonder each time but even though we don’t want it, we fill trackers and send them across; however we wonder where does Dewdrop get the potential to give such global gnyaan and patience to make PPTs)
PAR BHAIYON AUR BEHENON-
Yahiin nahin hota khatam yeh kissa,
Aaisi aadatein acquired aur communicable hoti hain-apni South HR Team proof hai iska.
Dewdrop agar performance management ki hai Devi,
toh not far lagging behind is D – our V ‘MAHA’sveta devi.
Kyunki Dewdrop ka atyaachaar toh spurts mein – saal mein ruk ruk kar aata hai,
D ka V toh poora saal hi hamein marwaata hai ( yeh dekho aayi ek aur mail).
(It doesn’t end here. If Dewdrop is the Goddess of Performance Management then D is the MahaDevi of V – an HR engagement initiative; Dewdrop’s torture comes in spurts but D’s V is there to haunt us throughout the year (Look, here comes another mail from D!!!)
Abhi kahan chal diye’ – rukiye rukiye’
Who kaise bhool sakte hain hum,
Who wahi atyaachar joh hum par karte’ hai (now not available) SHBniam.
(Wait guys, where are you’ll off to… How can we forget the person who used to torture us so much – SHB)
De dana dan mails aur database cleanup aur ab joining process/ exit process/ confirmation process…wagerah wagerah cleanup mein pehle phansaata hai,
Aur us paar who hans hans kar zor zor se ….aisa lagta hai hamara mazaak hii udaata hai ( karo karo abhi aur bhi hai…types)
Bhai soch soch kar ghabraate hain hum,
Kahaan se laate hain yeh sitam karna ka itna dum.
Hum peediton ka toh kya hai – jaise kaise karte hain,
Par yeh South team ke praani ek cheez toh definitely deserve kartehain…….
(We wonder where do they get such powers to torture us so… we poor souls have no way out except to give in and do the job but the South Team definitely deserve one thing – The Oscars!)
JAI HO!!
To this, I responded thus (On the music of Rock On’s Meri Laundry Ka Ek Bill…) :
Humare Trackers Ke Lists,
Badle mein humein milte hain Fists
Bosses Ke Data Numbers,
Jo ban jaate hain Trackers
Pichhle mahinon mein humne aaplogon ko sataye
Kabhi Khud Pe Hanse Aap
Aur Kabhi Khud Pe Roye…
(Our list of trackers only invite the angst from other teams… Our bosses’ quantitative targets get converted into trackers… In the last few months, we have pained you’ll a lot…At times you’ll must have laughed on yourselves, and at times cried)
Kaise Bhulein Aaj ka Din Jo Aaya
Kisi Ne West Team ka dimaag Khulwayaa
Kaisa Pal Tha Jis Pal Unhonein taareefon bhara mail humein paadvaya…
(How can we forget today when the West team sent across their mail full of praise for us)
Humari itni si intejaa hai aapse…
Humari bhi pareshaniyan samaja kijiye…
Hum bhi trackers ke bhoj se dooooooob rahen hain…
(Our only request to all is to understand that we too fill the trackers we create and are drowning in them as well)
Ye toh trailer hain doston…
Aap logon ke Hosh Bhi Kho jayenge…
Dil Bhi Kho jayenge
Kabhi Khud Pe Hansenge Aap,
Aur Kabhi Khud Pe Royenge
(This is just the trailer, my friends… )
Trackers ki bauchaar abhi baaki hain mere yaaron… (On the lines of SRK’s dialogue in OSO – Picture abhi baaki hain mere doston)!!!
(It will rain trackers soon, my friends!!! )
